Expanding the definition of "standard" in relation to computer repair techniques

I tried to hook up my printer last night. Most people expect to get printed pages when they hook their printers up. I got a computer meltdown of Chernobyl-like proportions. Windows ate itself AND my computer started overheating. Every time I tried to reformat my computer and reinstall windows, my it would shut down from overheating halfway through the process. Clearly, this was going to test every ounce of my computer-repair knowledge to its limit.

Wait a minute, why don't I just put the computer in the fridge?

So, I cleaned out the top rack of the refrigerator, set windows to install, then slid the laptop in and went to watch TV. About fifteen minutes later I went back, pulled out a frosty laptop, switched CDs, and put it back in for the second half. Apparently it worked, because I'm writing this post on it.


Also, I'm tired of gay men hitting on me. If you're a gay man and reading this, then please don't flirt with me. First, you're not the first nor are you the hottest, so if it was going to happen it would have by now. Second, I am also a guy, so don't use the same techniques to pick me up that I've used to try and pick girls up. You are not as smooth as you think. I do know what you're up to.


I just got my tickets for Bluesfest! I'm gonna get stabbed at the Kanye show!!

I tell myself the water contains nothing unnatural

This morning at about 10am water started bubbling up from my toiletbowl and bathtub. The toilet bowl quickly filled and began overflowing. There were chunks of things in the water. Bits of food, a carpet thread, some things that looked like soggy leaves, and things I don't even want to speculate about. This scummy water began to cover my bathroom floor and I just had to stand there helpless, watching. I called my building's super, Caesar, and let him know that there was a problem. He said he'd be over shortly. Then the water stops bubbling up and I breathe a sigh of relief, feeling the worst was over.

Then things got really bad.

About five minutes later, the water starts coming up from my toilet again. It's bringing more chunks of random matter with it. It's also bring a lot more water. The water is now spilling out of the bathroom into the hallway. I give my super another call to tell him that what was previously a problem is now an emergency. The water is now seeping under the walls and there is a growing area of dampness around the entire bathroom. I'm still trying to not think too hard about what might be in the water that is now flooding my home.

Eventually super Caesar shows up and proclaims, "Holy Moses, this is the biggest flood I've ever seen!" This is a statement coming from years of superintendent experience. I take a bit of comfort in the fact that at least my flood is the biggest and best.

The incoming water has stopped again, but the waterlevel in the toilet tank is so near the top that any more will start the waterfall all over again. Caesar has got a mop and an industrial vacuum to take care of the standing water in the bathroom and hallway respectively. At this point Caesar gets a call from a tennant who lives below us saying that they are getting water coming through the roof. The catch? She lives on the 6th floor. I live on the 9th floor. That should give you an idea of the volume of water we're dealing with.

It was at this point that Caesar decided we might need to call a plumber.

I didn't stay for the plumbing, but apparently they had to totally remove our toilet to get to the problem beneath. I had to make a special run to the grocery store to buy all of the bleach they had. Whatever may have washed ashore on my bathroom floor has been sanitized and I feel somewhat comfortable going in there, but I look at the toilet with suspicion and fear now.

So, that was my day. How was yours?