The Nine to Five
Tomorrow morning, I'm going to get up early, put on a suit and tie, and go to work. I will go to an office. I will work eight hours. I will have discussions over the water cooler. There will be meetings. I will be given projects and objectives. Tonight I am going to bed a carefree ex-student that is fighting the system and sticking it to the man. Tomorrow when I get up I will not only be a salary man, I will be the man that I've been sticking it to for so long.
Tomorrow I will be middle aged. I'm going to start pricing out minivans, suburban homes, and 1.5 children.
So in my last hours of free thought before I give up the ghost to the inevitable downward spiral of full-time, white-collar work, what's on my mind? Christmas. Christmas is on my mind and it is making me angry. I was in the mall this week, and The Bay is already setting up their Christmas display. In the last week of September they are setting up their christmas display. Does this not seem wrong to anyone else? We're not even through thanksgiving and we're on to Christmas. Thanksgiving is just being glossed over, because we need to devote three solid months to Christmas. The only way that Thanksgiving can hope to survive is to rebrand itself as "Pre-Christmas." The chance for all the truly ridiculous Noeliphiles to have a dry-run of the holiday season.
Before we go any further, yes, I'm aware that "holiday season" now carries a negative connotation. Apparently the "holiday season" is indicative of the perceived "War on Christmas." Well let me ask you this: when Christmas now dominates a quarter of the year, what else is it if not an entire bloody season? We should just rename winter "christmas." If there's snow on the ground, it's Christmas. That's what we're headed to you sick bastards. If there's a War on Christmas, then I'm enlisting. Sign me right the fuck up. Some people say that the War on Christmas is a bunch of Godless Scroogeheads that want to "take the Christ out of Christmas" or whatever other pithy line the Christian Mafia is going to brand their "victimization" as this year, but me, I just want to take the Christmas out of September.
Christmas, I'm calling you out. This is a declaration of War. I will not rest until Christmas has been pushed back where it belongs: To December. The end of December. You get twelve days of Christmas and that is it. That carol is silly (I mean really. Twelve lords leaping? Where are you going to get twelve members of the British upper house on Christmas-Eve that still have the legs left to leap? And a partridge in a pear tree? What good is that to me? How the heck am I going to get it down from there? Unless it's one of those weird tacky foam birds that you idolotrous tree-worshipers seem to love so much.) but it had it right. Back in the day they kept Christmas within respectable boundaries. We need a return to that old wisdom.
So as far as I'm concerned, Thanksgiving is the next holiday I need to concern myself with. Then Halloween. Then in November I take a break from holidays because there's nothing coming up until December. You dig? Good.
Fight the Power!! Vive la Revolution!!
Tomorrow I will be middle aged. I'm going to start pricing out minivans, suburban homes, and 1.5 children.
So in my last hours of free thought before I give up the ghost to the inevitable downward spiral of full-time, white-collar work, what's on my mind? Christmas. Christmas is on my mind and it is making me angry. I was in the mall this week, and The Bay is already setting up their Christmas display. In the last week of September they are setting up their christmas display. Does this not seem wrong to anyone else? We're not even through thanksgiving and we're on to Christmas. Thanksgiving is just being glossed over, because we need to devote three solid months to Christmas. The only way that Thanksgiving can hope to survive is to rebrand itself as "Pre-Christmas." The chance for all the truly ridiculous Noeliphiles to have a dry-run of the holiday season.
Before we go any further, yes, I'm aware that "holiday season" now carries a negative connotation. Apparently the "holiday season" is indicative of the perceived "War on Christmas." Well let me ask you this: when Christmas now dominates a quarter of the year, what else is it if not an entire bloody season? We should just rename winter "christmas." If there's snow on the ground, it's Christmas. That's what we're headed to you sick bastards. If there's a War on Christmas, then I'm enlisting. Sign me right the fuck up. Some people say that the War on Christmas is a bunch of Godless Scroogeheads that want to "take the Christ out of Christmas" or whatever other pithy line the Christian Mafia is going to brand their "victimization" as this year, but me, I just want to take the Christmas out of September.
Christmas, I'm calling you out. This is a declaration of War. I will not rest until Christmas has been pushed back where it belongs: To December. The end of December. You get twelve days of Christmas and that is it. That carol is silly (I mean really. Twelve lords leaping? Where are you going to get twelve members of the British upper house on Christmas-Eve that still have the legs left to leap? And a partridge in a pear tree? What good is that to me? How the heck am I going to get it down from there? Unless it's one of those weird tacky foam birds that you idolotrous tree-worshipers seem to love so much.) but it had it right. Back in the day they kept Christmas within respectable boundaries. We need a return to that old wisdom.
So as far as I'm concerned, Thanksgiving is the next holiday I need to concern myself with. Then Halloween. Then in November I take a break from holidays because there's nothing coming up until December. You dig? Good.
Fight the Power!! Vive la Revolution!!
posted by B-Boy Nothing at 8:55 PM
3 Comments:
Cuba Libra!!
I second that. Cuba balance scales! Balance scales for Cuba! Screw freedom, as long as we have an adequate method for weighing objects!
Damnit,
Cuba Libre** is course what I meant. What an unfortunate typo.
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