Ultimate Showdown Part I
The weekend before last I found myself sitting on the Hard Rock Cafe's patio working through the entire summer drinks menu with Hurricane Jacqueline. Whenever that walking act-of-God and I get together and alcohol is involved we wind up playing the ultimate conversational game: Ultimate Showdown.
Ultimate Showdown the game predated Ultimate Showdown the Music Video, but the premise is essentially the same. It's the ultimate test of historical and pop-culture knowledge, with emphasis on creativity and abstract thinking. In short, it's the perfect game for geeks. Basically, take two figures (historical, contemporary, or fictional) and pit them in theoretical no-rules combat, and come to a mutual agreement via debate as to the likely winner. Even though there is always a winner to each showdown, there is no scoring in the game. Everybody plays and everybody wins. Here's some example matches:
Optimus Prime vs. Godzilla
King of the Monsters versus King of the Robots. Godzilla has a definite size advantage, being about twice the height of an average building, while Optimus is only about 3/4 average building height in robot mode. Godzilla has eye lazers, fire breath, and monster strength. Optimus Prime has a plethora of beam weapons, a supercomputer for a brain, and the Autobot Matrix of Leadership (which actually does nothing in armed combat). Both Godzilla and Optimus Prime have been killed at least once, so the any Lazarus-like properties of either are negated. I'd decide this one on basis of Optimus' combination of tactical knowledge, advanced ranged weaponry, and mobility. Godzilla is tough, Optimus would be able to wear him down over time and from a distance. Expect a long, protracted fight that would destroy much of Tokyo.
John Wilkes Boothe vs. Lee Harvey Oswald
Changing gears from ficticious to historical, we've got ourselves the battle of Presidential Assassins. This one is, in my mind, clear cut. Oswald shot Kennedy from a distance while standing in a bathtub, and might have had help. Boothe just walked up to Lincoln and capped him in the chest. Boothe wins on gonads alone.
Yoda vs. Stephen Hawking
This one might sound like a no-contest, but bear with. Sure Yoda is a force master, and his skills with a lightsaber are beyond compare. Sure he lived to be 900 years old. So what? When Stephen Hawking was in his 20's and diagnosed with ALS, they said he wouldn't survive more than 2 or 3 years. He is now 64, bitches. If he didn't have a debilitating muscular disease slowly killing him, he'd probably live to be 900 too. Plus, I don't think anyone can be as smart as Hawking without having some kind of telekinetic powers. He also kind of looks like Emperor Palpatine. Coincidence? I think not. I'm pretty sure that a battle between Yoda and Hawking would be short and messy, with Hawking making Yoda's head explode about two seconds into the match. Then Hawking would go and prove everything in the universe mathematically, becasue that's just how he rolls.
Okay, now that you have an idea of how the game works, I'm going to pose a couple theoretical matches for you, the reader, to give me feedback on. Make your case, and the winners of each match will be posted in Ultimate Showdown, part II. Ready? Fight!
First Match: Communist Dictators
Chairman Mao vs Joseph Stalin
Second Match: Gay Musicians
Elton John vs. George Michael
Third Match: Cold War Icons
Fidel Castro vs. Pope John Paul II (and just so nobody says "well John Paul II is dead," this match takes place in 1979)
Fourth Match: Rotund Men
Orson Welles vs "The Penguin" from Batman
I'll accept cases at aaawyeah.gmail.com or in the comments thread.
Ultimate Showdown the game predated Ultimate Showdown the Music Video, but the premise is essentially the same. It's the ultimate test of historical and pop-culture knowledge, with emphasis on creativity and abstract thinking. In short, it's the perfect game for geeks. Basically, take two figures (historical, contemporary, or fictional) and pit them in theoretical no-rules combat, and come to a mutual agreement via debate as to the likely winner. Even though there is always a winner to each showdown, there is no scoring in the game. Everybody plays and everybody wins. Here's some example matches:
Optimus Prime vs. Godzilla
King of the Monsters versus King of the Robots. Godzilla has a definite size advantage, being about twice the height of an average building, while Optimus is only about 3/4 average building height in robot mode. Godzilla has eye lazers, fire breath, and monster strength. Optimus Prime has a plethora of beam weapons, a supercomputer for a brain, and the Autobot Matrix of Leadership (which actually does nothing in armed combat). Both Godzilla and Optimus Prime have been killed at least once, so the any Lazarus-like properties of either are negated. I'd decide this one on basis of Optimus' combination of tactical knowledge, advanced ranged weaponry, and mobility. Godzilla is tough, Optimus would be able to wear him down over time and from a distance. Expect a long, protracted fight that would destroy much of Tokyo.
John Wilkes Boothe vs. Lee Harvey Oswald
Changing gears from ficticious to historical, we've got ourselves the battle of Presidential Assassins. This one is, in my mind, clear cut. Oswald shot Kennedy from a distance while standing in a bathtub, and might have had help. Boothe just walked up to Lincoln and capped him in the chest. Boothe wins on gonads alone.
Yoda vs. Stephen Hawking
This one might sound like a no-contest, but bear with. Sure Yoda is a force master, and his skills with a lightsaber are beyond compare. Sure he lived to be 900 years old. So what? When Stephen Hawking was in his 20's and diagnosed with ALS, they said he wouldn't survive more than 2 or 3 years. He is now 64, bitches. If he didn't have a debilitating muscular disease slowly killing him, he'd probably live to be 900 too. Plus, I don't think anyone can be as smart as Hawking without having some kind of telekinetic powers. He also kind of looks like Emperor Palpatine. Coincidence? I think not. I'm pretty sure that a battle between Yoda and Hawking would be short and messy, with Hawking making Yoda's head explode about two seconds into the match. Then Hawking would go and prove everything in the universe mathematically, becasue that's just how he rolls.
Okay, now that you have an idea of how the game works, I'm going to pose a couple theoretical matches for you, the reader, to give me feedback on. Make your case, and the winners of each match will be posted in Ultimate Showdown, part II. Ready? Fight!
First Match: Communist Dictators
Chairman Mao vs Joseph Stalin
Second Match: Gay Musicians
Elton John vs. George Michael
Third Match: Cold War Icons
Fidel Castro vs. Pope John Paul II (and just so nobody says "well John Paul II is dead," this match takes place in 1979)
Fourth Match: Rotund Men
Orson Welles vs "The Penguin" from Batman
I'll accept cases at aaawyeah.gmail.com or in the comments thread.
posted by B-Boy Nothing at 2:34 PM
3 Comments:
The Pope wins because (as was discussed during what will now be known as the "Cocktail Incident of '06") the only things that could take down JPII would be Optimus Prime and possibly Yoda (and using deductive reasoning, Stephen Hawking).
Oh I know, I know what everyone's thinking: "But Castro has an edge based on *BEARD*!!" But you're all wrong. The Pope defeated communism, which isn't even a thing, it's an abstract concept! Put that in your Cuban cigar and smoke it you dictator-loving hippies.
PS - The pope has a staff and a pretty slammin' hat.
Saw you got rid of your latest post. It was pretty accurate in my books.
Yeah, I liked it too, nails being hit on the head... you know.
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