Oh... Canada....
I feel obligated, as your correspondent in Ottawa, to render some kind of information to you all about what Canada Day in our capital is like. Spending the anniversary of Confederation in our nation's capital is one of those ordeals that is too complex to convey in words, especially considering that everyone who has ever lived through it can only remember hazy bits of it during times when the beer was running low. Thankfully, someone came along and summized the experience very well for all of us: the Guy that Pissed On the War Memorial.
Now, it should go without saying that this dude is pretty unpopular in Ottawa right now, but I think that I need to be the voice of reason in this situation. Yes, we're all very upset that he pissed on the tomb of the unknown soldier. Nobody likes to see that, least of all on the cover of the Ottawa Citizen with said jerk "throwing up the horns." He actually did that. I can't make stuff like that up. However, horns notwithstanding, lets be honest about this: when you invite the entire country to come and be drunk on public property, people are going to piss on things. The unfortunate intersection in all this is that Ottawa is literally packed with buildings of importance and great national value, and it would be very difficult to piss anywhere in a ten-block radius of the Peace Tower without hitting a monument, memorial, embassy, consulate, or National Herritage Site. I can say with great confidence that it would be easier to list the prestigious edifices in this fair city that were not pissed on rather than the ones that were.
Parliament? Pissed on. Chateau Laurier? Pissed on. National Gallery? Pissed on. Supreme Court? Pissed on. Museum of Contemporary Photography? Royal Canadian Mint? United States Embassy? Pissed on, pissed on, pissed on.
The youth of Ottawa like to go on drunken random walks downtown on Canada Day, and they piss on things. That is our national holiday in a nutshell. There's also street vendors hawking things that light up, people waving flags that have the maple leaf replaced with a marajuana leaf, and folks that like to shoot roman candles into crowded areas. It's hot, it rains, the bars are crowded, people are especially ridiculous, but more than anything we are just inviting the nation to our most precious public spaces to use their pubic spaces to piss on everything that we take pride in as Canadians.
Except the Museum of Civilization. That's over in Gatineau and I'm relatively certain people don't piss on it.
Pissing and drunken street riots aside, Canada Day in Ottawa is pretty cool, so long as you aren't the kind of person that throws up the horns when someone is taking a picture of you pissing.
Now, it should go without saying that this dude is pretty unpopular in Ottawa right now, but I think that I need to be the voice of reason in this situation. Yes, we're all very upset that he pissed on the tomb of the unknown soldier. Nobody likes to see that, least of all on the cover of the Ottawa Citizen with said jerk "throwing up the horns." He actually did that. I can't make stuff like that up. However, horns notwithstanding, lets be honest about this: when you invite the entire country to come and be drunk on public property, people are going to piss on things. The unfortunate intersection in all this is that Ottawa is literally packed with buildings of importance and great national value, and it would be very difficult to piss anywhere in a ten-block radius of the Peace Tower without hitting a monument, memorial, embassy, consulate, or National Herritage Site. I can say with great confidence that it would be easier to list the prestigious edifices in this fair city that were not pissed on rather than the ones that were.
Parliament? Pissed on. Chateau Laurier? Pissed on. National Gallery? Pissed on. Supreme Court? Pissed on. Museum of Contemporary Photography? Royal Canadian Mint? United States Embassy? Pissed on, pissed on, pissed on.
The youth of Ottawa like to go on drunken random walks downtown on Canada Day, and they piss on things. That is our national holiday in a nutshell. There's also street vendors hawking things that light up, people waving flags that have the maple leaf replaced with a marajuana leaf, and folks that like to shoot roman candles into crowded areas. It's hot, it rains, the bars are crowded, people are especially ridiculous, but more than anything we are just inviting the nation to our most precious public spaces to use their pubic spaces to piss on everything that we take pride in as Canadians.
Except the Museum of Civilization. That's over in Gatineau and I'm relatively certain people don't piss on it.
Pissing and drunken street riots aside, Canada Day in Ottawa is pretty cool, so long as you aren't the kind of person that throws up the horns when someone is taking a picture of you pissing.
posted by B-Boy Nothing at 5:20 PM
3 Comments:
Do they even celebrate Canada Day in Gatineau? Or would that be the day that they take pride in all that is Quebecois and not relieve themselves all over everything? Sort of like a "look at how much more patriotic we are than you" move.
I *hate* the museum of civilization. Stupid tour guides take you there, and it's SO RIGHT next to the war museum, which you just know is far more interesting than totem poles and rock formationgs. God damn... I would piss on it.
Scratch that, I'm coming to Ottawa at the end of August, I'm *going* to piss on it.
Just when you thought Ottawa wasn't ready for me, Evan, it got even worse... you didn't think it was possible, did you?
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