Pork Fixation
Okay, let's see if I can remember how this blogging thing goes. If memory serves I begin with ridiculous yet true-to life premise, spin it into a ridiculous yarn, and then peeter off into an unsatisfying and likely off-topic conclusion.
As I write this, I am in bed, and eating Pineapple Ham out of a bowl. Why a bowl? Why is ham and ham alone my supper? Why don't I do this at a table or at the very least my desk? These are important questions, so I encourage you to discuss them amongst yourselves. What is on my mind, is the fact that Pineapple Ham is really really good, and if my reasoning is sound a gift from God, personally.
Why do I say this? Hawaii. Look at the Island of Hawaii. They are a tiny tropical paradise stuck way in the middle of the biggest ocean on the planet with, excepting the miracle of seafaring that brought the native Hawaiians there in the first place, totally isolated from the world at large. It is a miniscule microcosm of humanity that was given only two kinds of food: ham and pineapples. If there is any logic in the way that our planet is produced, I can only assume that the reasoning God had in mind when creating Hawaii was this:
Okay, humans, listen up. Pineapple Ham. It is awesome and I really believe strongly that you should be making it. So strongly, in fact, that I refuse to leave this up to chance. Just in case you all are as dumb as I think I may have made you I have arranged things in a manner that you will not, ever, be able to fuck up. I'm putting all you Hawaiians out here on this island with the only two ingredients that this recipie requires. You will be here for at least a couple thousand years. Sooner or later you are going to have to stick these two things together, and it will be fucking delicious and you will thank me for it.
Sure enough, they managed to figure it out and we're all better off for it. Wars, human suffering, spirituality; God is letting us figure that out on our own. Pineapple Ham, we have been given very clear instructions on. Perhaps if we all ate more pineapple ham, nothing else would be a problem. We'd all be very happy and die much earlier of heart disease.
Also, I am totally getting Carpal Tunnal. This is what I get for writing for you people.
As I write this, I am in bed, and eating Pineapple Ham out of a bowl. Why a bowl? Why is ham and ham alone my supper? Why don't I do this at a table or at the very least my desk? These are important questions, so I encourage you to discuss them amongst yourselves. What is on my mind, is the fact that Pineapple Ham is really really good, and if my reasoning is sound a gift from God, personally.
Why do I say this? Hawaii. Look at the Island of Hawaii. They are a tiny tropical paradise stuck way in the middle of the biggest ocean on the planet with, excepting the miracle of seafaring that brought the native Hawaiians there in the first place, totally isolated from the world at large. It is a miniscule microcosm of humanity that was given only two kinds of food: ham and pineapples. If there is any logic in the way that our planet is produced, I can only assume that the reasoning God had in mind when creating Hawaii was this:
Okay, humans, listen up. Pineapple Ham. It is awesome and I really believe strongly that you should be making it. So strongly, in fact, that I refuse to leave this up to chance. Just in case you all are as dumb as I think I may have made you I have arranged things in a manner that you will not, ever, be able to fuck up. I'm putting all you Hawaiians out here on this island with the only two ingredients that this recipie requires. You will be here for at least a couple thousand years. Sooner or later you are going to have to stick these two things together, and it will be fucking delicious and you will thank me for it.
Sure enough, they managed to figure it out and we're all better off for it. Wars, human suffering, spirituality; God is letting us figure that out on our own. Pineapple Ham, we have been given very clear instructions on. Perhaps if we all ate more pineapple ham, nothing else would be a problem. We'd all be very happy and die much earlier of heart disease.
Also, I am totally getting Carpal Tunnal. This is what I get for writing for you people.
posted by B-Boy Nothing at 5:42 PM
2 Comments:
Aloha theEvan
I have been waiting to hear you speak of pineapple ham in such a way since I met you. It is totally bitchin', this is truth.
Aloha!
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