Filled with Hate
I never dreamed of being a website administrator. I fell into it by an accident of birth thanks to my more tallented brother. When he handed over control to me, he rode off into the sunset headed for greener pastures, laughing manically the whole way. I didn't understand the reason for his jubiliation at the time, but I sadly do now.
It's not the hours hunched over a computer that drive you insane. It's the humans. The stupid, stupid humans. Here's an example. One of the hotel owners that will remain nameless sent the office an email today. I will reprint it in full, because it says it all far better than I ever could.
Hi,
Could you please add a new web address to our accommodation listing.
It is: [address removed].com Please redirect and mask to our page.
Please keep the [address removed].ca as well.
Thank you.
First Problem: "Please redirect and mask to our page."
Hotel owner, I hate to break it to you, but This Means Nothing. I don't know who you've been talking to that is using technical terms, but they shouldn't be and neither should you. "Redirection" is something that you get your hosting service to do, and it is the exact opposite of having two webpages, which is what you have (moronically) done. Moreover, I cannot "mask to" something. Be honest. You don't even know what it means when you say that. You are just throwing out lingo because you feel that it makes you sound intelligent. You seem to forget that there are people in the office that you are sending this email to (like me) that actually know what is going on and who will see through your clever ruse and understand that you are just making up terms. This is just plain rude.
Second Problem: Both pages suck
Yeah, that's right, both of your websites suck. You should have worked on having one good site rather than two crappy ones and redirected (see, this is how you use the term properly) one URL to the other. If I go out of my way to put both links on this site, I am only supporting stupid behaviour. I don't like doing that.
Third Problem: Things do not work that way.
You see all the other listings that the other hotels get on my site? You see any of them with multiple webpages? You don't, do you? This should have been your first sign that maybe it wasn't a hot idea to have two. More to the point, I want to make this clear to you, you only get one link. This isn't just an arbitrary rule that I created to keep from having to endorse your stupid advertising tactics; I wish I could be that autocratic but I can't. It is a fundamental feature of the database design. See, the guy that made it designed it in such a way that you could edit your own listing from the comfort of your own home. You, of course, chose to never ever do this. You still got us to do all your changes for you. Because we went out of our way to try to help you, you have a system where you only get one website listing. Let me repeat that, you only get one. Not only do I not want to add your second (crappy) site, I couldn't if I wanted to. Of course, I have done things that I shouldn't have been able to do with that website many times in the past, usually by breaking and bastardizing the code (sorry Brice) but this segways nicely into problem four.
Fourth Problem: Fuck your hotel.
I'm not going to do it. Not only is it not worth my time for me to break the site so you can have two equally dumpy websites listed that nobody will ever visit anyway, I do not want to be involved in anything that will bring success to your establishment. More to the point, I want your hotel to burn down and fall into a hole. I have worked this job for a long time and you have been, at best, a nuisance for the entire duration. I particulairly liked the time that I was there taking the picture that adorns the listing on our page, and you started complaining about the guy that runs my site. Lets try a little logic here. Is it even remotely sane to assume that the guy that is taking pictures for the website might be associated with said website at least in some small way, perhaps even being the very person you are complaining about?
So here's what I'm going to do. I'm firm but fair. I will not do this update for you, but I won't light your hotel (or you) on fire either. I'll take a middle path of moderation and simply have someone from the office lie to you. We'll tell you that we tried but the site won't accommodate it. If you're intelligent, you'll say thanks for trying and for the service you provide my hotel for free and leave it at that. Of course that won't happen. At best you'll take cheap shots at us behind our backs, at worst you will complain and insult our professionalism. You are free to do this, as is your human right. However, if a server glitch removes your listing from our 3000 monthly-hit site during the peak of tourist season, I cannot be held accountable for that. Those sorts of things happen all the time.
It's not the hours hunched over a computer that drive you insane. It's the humans. The stupid, stupid humans. Here's an example. One of the hotel owners that will remain nameless sent the office an email today. I will reprint it in full, because it says it all far better than I ever could.
Hi,
Could you please add a new web address to our accommodation listing.
It is: [address removed].com Please redirect and mask to our page.
Please keep the [address removed].ca as well.
Thank you.
First Problem: "Please redirect and mask to our page."
Hotel owner, I hate to break it to you, but This Means Nothing. I don't know who you've been talking to that is using technical terms, but they shouldn't be and neither should you. "Redirection" is something that you get your hosting service to do, and it is the exact opposite of having two webpages, which is what you have (moronically) done. Moreover, I cannot "mask to" something. Be honest. You don't even know what it means when you say that. You are just throwing out lingo because you feel that it makes you sound intelligent. You seem to forget that there are people in the office that you are sending this email to (like me) that actually know what is going on and who will see through your clever ruse and understand that you are just making up terms. This is just plain rude.
Second Problem: Both pages suck
Yeah, that's right, both of your websites suck. You should have worked on having one good site rather than two crappy ones and redirected (see, this is how you use the term properly) one URL to the other. If I go out of my way to put both links on this site, I am only supporting stupid behaviour. I don't like doing that.
Third Problem: Things do not work that way.
You see all the other listings that the other hotels get on my site? You see any of them with multiple webpages? You don't, do you? This should have been your first sign that maybe it wasn't a hot idea to have two. More to the point, I want to make this clear to you, you only get one link. This isn't just an arbitrary rule that I created to keep from having to endorse your stupid advertising tactics; I wish I could be that autocratic but I can't. It is a fundamental feature of the database design. See, the guy that made it designed it in such a way that you could edit your own listing from the comfort of your own home. You, of course, chose to never ever do this. You still got us to do all your changes for you. Because we went out of our way to try to help you, you have a system where you only get one website listing. Let me repeat that, you only get one. Not only do I not want to add your second (crappy) site, I couldn't if I wanted to. Of course, I have done things that I shouldn't have been able to do with that website many times in the past, usually by breaking and bastardizing the code (sorry Brice) but this segways nicely into problem four.
Fourth Problem: Fuck your hotel.
I'm not going to do it. Not only is it not worth my time for me to break the site so you can have two equally dumpy websites listed that nobody will ever visit anyway, I do not want to be involved in anything that will bring success to your establishment. More to the point, I want your hotel to burn down and fall into a hole. I have worked this job for a long time and you have been, at best, a nuisance for the entire duration. I particulairly liked the time that I was there taking the picture that adorns the listing on our page, and you started complaining about the guy that runs my site. Lets try a little logic here. Is it even remotely sane to assume that the guy that is taking pictures for the website might be associated with said website at least in some small way, perhaps even being the very person you are complaining about?
So here's what I'm going to do. I'm firm but fair. I will not do this update for you, but I won't light your hotel (or you) on fire either. I'll take a middle path of moderation and simply have someone from the office lie to you. We'll tell you that we tried but the site won't accommodate it. If you're intelligent, you'll say thanks for trying and for the service you provide my hotel for free and leave it at that. Of course that won't happen. At best you'll take cheap shots at us behind our backs, at worst you will complain and insult our professionalism. You are free to do this, as is your human right. However, if a server glitch removes your listing from our 3000 monthly-hit site during the peak of tourist season, I cannot be held accountable for that. Those sorts of things happen all the time.
posted by B-Boy Nothing at 11:29 AM
3 Comments:
For the record, there's a hell of a lot that the site can do that just isn't allowed. Sadly, one of those things is allowing hotels to touch their data. Why? Well, you summed it up:
The hotel industry in Nipawin is, collectively, mildly retarded
The events calendar and business directory are solidly built so that individual users can do wonderous things from their homes to their data alone, but they will never, ever be allowed to do that. Ever.
And, as it's not worth your time to hack at code (which I appreciate, because it means I don't have to), it's definitely NOT worth my time to write a nice database to handle hotels who expect the moon from free advertising. One link. Deal.
Keep in mind: these are the same people who nitpick about the punctuation and exact wording of their free advertising but can't punctuate a sentence to save their lives.
Consider:
they got mad at the free advertising that the town offers because the water wasn't blue. So they got their own brochure done. They paid legal tender (I hesitate to use the term "good money") for a brochure to advertise the acommodation available. Acomodation. This, in bold departure from the bourgeoise spelling of Accommodation. They're just that forward-thinking.
I reiterate:
The hotel industry in Nipawin is, collectively, mildly retarded
so evan, i was just eating wonton soup and i was reminiscing back to the days of eating wonton soup with you at the sunrise cafe....and i just wanted to let you know that today was the first time i've eaten all the wontons!!! not just taken a bite out of everyone and left it for you to finish, i actually finished them all. ha. what a great day. i feel that if i can conquer 6 wontons, i can conquer the world.
amber
"So here's what I'm going to do. I'm firm but fair. I will not do this update for you, but I won't light your hotel (or you) on fire either."
You sound more and more like me everyday. I like to think I've taught you well. *much love*
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