Scandal!
I got checked out by a man today. Again. This time it was a little more special, though, because it was a former Member of Parliament. This isn't the first time that a male MP has checked me out, but it was the most pleasant, considering the first one made me want to throw up in my own mouth.
I've said before that I notice guys checking me out because they use the same techniques that I use when checking out girls. Apparently a person's check-out-technique toolbox is determined by genetics. In any case, today I had one of my personal favourites, the "Turn and Turn" used against me.
The Turn and Turn is a simple technique for checking out someone behind you. If you know that there is a slamming hottie (or in this case, a skinny white boy (I don't know why he'd do it either)) behind you, what you do is you make a turn to the left or right, or in this case into the vintages section of the LCBO. Now, after you've done the body turn, you do a quick head turn in the same direction you just turned your body. If you turned to the left, you then turn your head to the left again (the Turn and Turn) and effectively look directly behind you and get another chance to scope out said hottie/skinny white boy behind you before you go into the vintages section to get a good bottle of French white wine, likely grown in the norhteast where they the wines have a full, strong, yet delicate taste.
Also, I have had it with Stella Artois. I mean I have had it. Setting aside the fact that Stella is a pretty tasty beer, it makes me ill every time I drink it. Even that I'd be willing to overlook, but their advertising campaign is unforgivable. See, Stella is marketing itself as a premium import, but back in Europe Stella is basically Budweiser. It's the beer you drink if you sweat a lot, wear shirts without sleeves, and get into fistfights about sports. When I go into the LCBO and see posters claiming that Stella "goes well with cheese, mussels, and chocolate," I have to take exception. What Stella goes with is soccer riots and beating your wife. Worst of all, they advertise a lot. And when I say a lot, I mean a lot. I just spent a weekend having every single Stella Artois ad in the downtown area dutifully pointed out to me (and I'm going to get you back for that) and they are on every street corner in the market. They will not let me rest.
Also, for the last ten minutes a crazy lady has been screaming at someone in the street. I can hear it from my 9th floor window. I hate Ottawa in the summer.
I've said before that I notice guys checking me out because they use the same techniques that I use when checking out girls. Apparently a person's check-out-technique toolbox is determined by genetics. In any case, today I had one of my personal favourites, the "Turn and Turn" used against me.
The Turn and Turn is a simple technique for checking out someone behind you. If you know that there is a slamming hottie (or in this case, a skinny white boy (I don't know why he'd do it either)) behind you, what you do is you make a turn to the left or right, or in this case into the vintages section of the LCBO. Now, after you've done the body turn, you do a quick head turn in the same direction you just turned your body. If you turned to the left, you then turn your head to the left again (the Turn and Turn) and effectively look directly behind you and get another chance to scope out said hottie/skinny white boy behind you before you go into the vintages section to get a good bottle of French white wine, likely grown in the norhteast where they the wines have a full, strong, yet delicate taste.
Also, I have had it with Stella Artois. I mean I have had it. Setting aside the fact that Stella is a pretty tasty beer, it makes me ill every time I drink it. Even that I'd be willing to overlook, but their advertising campaign is unforgivable. See, Stella is marketing itself as a premium import, but back in Europe Stella is basically Budweiser. It's the beer you drink if you sweat a lot, wear shirts without sleeves, and get into fistfights about sports. When I go into the LCBO and see posters claiming that Stella "goes well with cheese, mussels, and chocolate," I have to take exception. What Stella goes with is soccer riots and beating your wife. Worst of all, they advertise a lot. And when I say a lot, I mean a lot. I just spent a weekend having every single Stella Artois ad in the downtown area dutifully pointed out to me (and I'm going to get you back for that) and they are on every street corner in the market. They will not let me rest.
Also, for the last ten minutes a crazy lady has been screaming at someone in the street. I can hear it from my 9th floor window. I hate Ottawa in the summer.
posted by B-Boy Nothing at 12:38 PM
1 Comments:
Stella makes me sick too!
I don't even drink it anymore, I just make other people order it and then steal the glasses from whatever restaurant or pub in which we happen to be situated at that time. It works out pretty well, I think.
You know who barely advertises? Guinness...mmm
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